1. Transformers 2 opens and the world files in to watch it and wonder not whether robots can fly at light speed through space defying the laws of the time / space continuum, or how a ute can expand to five times it’s size and file missiles from it’s nostrils before returning to the same ute without even so much as the radio station programming being out of whack, or even if the pyramids are really the wisest place to conduct a giant robot smack down, but rather how a tool like Shia LaBaouf could possibly score Megan Fox. Are they serious? Michael Bay, some things we simply cannot buy.
2. Amidst the chaos that’s followed the Iranian “election’ there are many losers but perhaps only one winner. Twitter. Is the world serious? The social networking site has received as least as much media coverage from fascinated neo-media commentators as has the election itself. If you’re thinking of launching you’re own new business idea, maybe wait for a tragedy. Timing, after all, is everything.
3. Jordan aka Katie Price aka Mrs. Peter Andrea aka Life Support for Watermelons Wrapped in Flesh aka Mother of Junior and Princess Tiaamii has been grieving for her marriage breakdown in the only way she knows how: partying in no clothes in Ibiza. Said Price “whatever happens, I plan on getting completely f**cked”. Indeed. Meanwhile, estranged hubby Peter is left to cry himself to sleep at night alone. Is he serious? Does he really think that a page 3 model with size Double E cans worth millions of dollars is ever gunna find another bloke, let alone one as good as him?
4. Wanna continue partying with pretty European girls right into your 70s but can’t afford the Viagra? Perhaps you could consider running for the Prime Ministership of Italy. Silvio Berlusconi – is this guy serious? This time Italian tax dollars have been found to be enjoying investment in a wild night in which Berlesconi and 20 young girls – including 2 ‘lesbian call girls’ – partied through the night in what was described as the PM’s personal harem quote unquote. He’s 72. You know, I wanna hate this guy, but….
5. Pakistan’s fun loving Taliban have declared war on the country’s entertainment, bombing cinemas, threating television stations and even publicly beheading an actress in a busy intersection. Are these guys serious? Then again, with the presence on our own televisions of Rove, Sam Newman and Packed to the Rafters, are we inciting the rise of our own Taliban style extremists? And, if so, pass me a turban and a kalishnakov STAT.
BELOW: Berlusconi boasts an alarming groin swell following a night of partying