1. The Australian Army holds a sombre press conference to announce that a soldier has been killed in Afghanistan. Are they serious? Here’s the thing about war: soldiers get killed. I know, I’ve seen the movies. Apocalypse Now, G.I. Jane, Stripes, all of them. You know what they all have in common. That’s right – Bill Murray. No wait, I meant death. So if you reckon that you need to hold a press conference every time a single soldier is taken down in the war you’re in, maybe you’re not really that interested in being in the war in the first place.
2. The National Ballet of Chine gets ready to tour Australia and who do you suppose is the major sponsor? Correct – Rio Tinto. Are they serious? Is this why Rio Executive Stern Hu is being held by the Chinese government? To secure ballet sponsorship?? Is there nothing the Chinese won’t do??!!
3. Master Chef finale. Are they serious? You couldn’t have had more people crying their eyes out on that set had you lobbed a can of tear gas in there. Anyway, any bloke thinking he might have a crack at Poh while she’s in a vulnerable state should check out the way celebrity chef Curtis rolls. “Poh, I would like to invite you to spend a week with me in L.A. filming my new show.” Is he serious? Diabolical!
4. Forty years since man walked on the moon. Are they serious? Like we’re meant to believe that a space ship made of glad wrap, tin foil and a shopping trolley flew millions of miles through space with a computer boasting less power than a calculator and delivered it’s passengers safely to the lunar surface where they partook in a jaunty game of golf using putters? Get real! Everyone knows that you use a 9 iron on the moon!!
5. In one of the various pearls of wisdom listed under ‘MM Facts’ on his website, celebrity torso and awesome blog traffic driver Matthew McConaughey has stated “My parents have confirmed I was an accident.” Is he serious? Coz that still doesn’t excuse them. Boom! Shaka Laka!!