Tag Archives: ugly dogs

Canine Point Nine Outta Ten!

Can’t claim to be one who is a regular on the circuit, but it seems dog shows have been lacking a certain zest and creativity of late, dragged down by what is a tired and predictable formula. Namely, the dogs. Yes, they come in all shapes and sizes, featuring all temperaments and personalities, often sending the Cute Scale into the stratosphere. But is it enough? I mean, at the end of the day, they’re all just dogs. Know what I mean?

Enter Extreme Grooming Dog Shows, the latest in dog shows and the biggest shake up of the species since they stopped walking on two legs and flying. It’s like dogs, but better. It’s extreme. Extremely awesome. Grroming dogs to make them into fantastic, chimeric creatures – sometimes with clippers, sometimes with paint – putting them on show and judging them.

Naturally, there has been opposition to this, with the usual calls from feminists, animal rights activists and communists labeling this demeaning and exploitative. Are they serious? Not since Azaria Chamberlain has there been such a buzz around canines.

Below are a couple of shots from a recent show. Note the care and detail that has been employed to turn what are normal dogs into, respectively, a buffalo and a camel. Is anyone seriously going to suggest these two aren’t having the time of their lives? better yet, and as a telling example of the sort of work these shows demand, the owners themselves are draped in complimentary outfits i.e. an Indian skwaw and a beautiful Egyptian slave girl. The sheer effort!

Full props to Extreme Grooming and for shaking up an industry over run with over-pampered, sleep-all-day dogs that have grown fat out of merely showing up, jumping through a few flaming hula hoops, barking on cue, and going more than 20 minutes without humping a witches hat. Well gee whiz, where on the Pulitzer Prize would you like to put your paw mark, Fido? Maybe it’s time you stepped up and started putting in some work like your Extreme amigos. Camel Dog, you’re ok with me.

groom4 groom


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Ugly Dogs


So let me see if i have got this right: the idea has been to breed the world’s ugliest dog. This is what someone has done with the breeding smarts, the gene splicing tools and the endless hours of boredom in their possession. Great stuff.

What did they do? Wake up one morning and throw a mange-ridden hyena and a bag of old scrotums into a blender and name the result ‘dog’? Did they stick dentures in the mouth of a rat, baste it in gasoline, set it alight, take a photo of the aftermath, and then email it to Satan with a note suggesting a product new line of pet? (Guess what, he got the memo). Or perhaps somebody simply hung a collar around the throat of Donnatella Versace. Whatever.

Now sure, I like looking and laughing at the various contributions to ‘Motivational Posters’ these things make as much as anyone else hoping to delete 30 seconds from my working day, but surely every living second these hideous freaks must endure is an exercise in agony, humiliation and shivering torment. And if the four-legged, buck-toothed freaks arriving in your inbox are not enough, spare a thought for the recently crowned Ugliest Dog in L.A. The owners must be so proud. C’mon, are the serious?


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