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Everybody Be Kung Fu Fighting…

Who would have guessed that the tale of a TV Kung Fu legend found dangling and dead from the ceiling of a Thai hotel room with ropes around his throat and genitals following a 16 hour drinking session would be the story that doesn’t go away. Just when you think a case is closed……

Seems that the family of David Carradine – indeed, found deceased in the aforementioned manner – are disputing the facts surrounding his death and declaring that it was not simply an auto-sexual mishap but rather that he was murdered. By a rival pack of Kung Fu killers! Now what on earth would possess a group of Kung Fu killers (let’s call them KFK for short) to break into the hotel room of a 72 year old American, tie him up, and then pleasure his to death? Are they serious? Doesn’t make any sense.

First of all, KFK are extremely busy people. There is hanging from ceilings to be done. Flying across rooftops to be mastered. And those blow darts ain’t gunna sharpen themselves. All this while working 15 hours a day at a Nike factory for 5 cents an hour. (Righto, that was blatantly racist. I apologise – it’s not just American firms that employ sweat shops). Plus, anyone who watched Carradine on Kung Fu would know that taking down KFK was the man’s specialty. That was his job. Walk the earth and take down KFK. Do the maths here people!

Look, it’s hard to move on. I can accept this. Especially when the circumstances surrounding the deceased are so…what?…hilarious? If I die with rope around my scrotum in an act of sexual auto-asphyxiation (and chances are better than ever that I will) or, for that matter, in any other way – from heart attack to stroke to horrendous BMX accident – I greatly hope that someone will love me enough to get on the front foot and tell the world i was killed fighting off a KFK. Now THAT would be a super cool way to go.

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